Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
