We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
