Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
