The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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