you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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