you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
