Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
