What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm at about main and main street
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
