Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
