do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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