fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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