Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
