Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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