My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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