That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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