I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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