I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
