i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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