Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How external is "for external use only"?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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