I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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