That's intense
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
