Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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