Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
