my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
