The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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