He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
