is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
