I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he was CRYING into my vagina
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
