It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
