READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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