he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
