I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize