she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
