i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
