im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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