I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
