Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You made out with two different species that night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
