We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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