im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize