Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
