That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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