honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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