i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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