you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
