Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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