similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
