It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
