I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
