i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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