i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
