i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
