Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
