Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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