I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
