I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
