i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
