On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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