She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
