white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
