Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
