...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
