whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
