It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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