____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
