yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize