When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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