Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
