i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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