We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
