when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
