I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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