accomplished twins. life is a go
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
