Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
