Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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